The road to USA
I’m scared, scared shitless. The new country, where I don’t know how to move around and crossing the whole oceans. Where tons of things are happening, and I yet have to win my place. Seems like science fiction to me.
Alchemy of dreams into reality
It’s hard when you have a time line attached to your dreams. But when you add it, and miss a beat, but you still get there. 6 months later than I planned.
Timeless dreams never happen. Give them a time frame, so they actually do that little magic that dreams tend to do. Like mine did.
What is your time frame? What is your time frame Bojan? Timeframe to become a greatest writer to walk on the planet of the Earth? What are you required to do, in order to become one. Are you ready to pay the price?
Who are you destined to become? Destined, becoming. Bloody fantastic words, piling up, on on top of each other. Good words groupie.
But seriously, what makes you become something you’re not?
Neural pathways are a bitch. They remember every bloody thing you’ve ever done. And every choice you make, every choice you make right now, is ingrained, and sets a foundation for a possible habit. For better or for worse.
But when you start doing something, over and over again, you do throughly change your identity. Who you are is determined by what you’ve done. Your legacy, is legacy of your accomplishments. Every action you take is determining the rest of your life. And what did you decide?
Scary that every moment determines what happens in your neural pathways for the rest of your life, isn’t it. But beside it being scary, it’s also empowering. It means that you have the power, of every waking moment of your life, to determine your future.
Every single second counts. Who did you decide to be?
It starts with a decision
Decision is a powerful moment in your life. It’s a second where you decide that everything changes. Nothing is going to be like it used to. And I don’t feel like that moment in my life happened yet. I don’t feel like it’s pound to happen by itself.
For some people, that moment never comes. Usually people who have decided had truly hard life. They had that chance, where their life was dramatically influenced by some external influence, that made them push over that edge. That made them remember how shitty life can be, for every single waking moment.
And I didn’t have that moment. Everything in my life was designed for me not to put in the effort, yet I still do. And I am influenced by some dark force that pushes me to actually do something, when I absolutely don’t have to. Or perhaps I have no idea what good life is, but I have a burning desire to have one? Perhaps things that happened here for me, are a nightmare for someone across the ocean? Perhaps…
Some people would call that ambitious, some would wonder why I bother, while third group would ask me, why am I not giving in more?
I belong to that third group. I always keep wondering, why am I not living to what I believe I can do? Why am I not living up to my own expectations? Because ultimately, this is not a competition between you and others. This is the competition between you and YOU.
Beating your best self
I wonder, can I defeat my weak self. He is the only person I am fighting against. Every day I wake up, and I pray the God I don’t face that weak asshole, who will do the enjoyable more than the thing required for me to grow up as a person.
I’d say I came a long way, but there are still miles to walk. These shoes still have a lot of bumps to cross, and I’d say I am at the very begging. Perhaps I made my life, so my moment of hardship actually comes. Or I already pushed through it. You would never know.
But forget about me. Remember who you are, what lead you to the moment where you are know. Aren’t those the decisions we’ve made so far? Do you regret your decisions?
Sometimes it makes me feel, like regardless of the decisions we make, we’re going to regret something. We can always get stuck up in that mind frame, where you talk to yourself, and you just say to yourself: “You could have”.
I was always afraid of that moment. And I am still very afraid of that moment of seeing my future self, old, and whispering to myself, you could have done it, but you didn’t.
So I am doing it. In best correlation with my chances and opportunities. I took on the opportunities that seemed most unreasonable and unrealistic, but they became a reality. Because I didn’t want to end up in “what if” scenarios. I didn’t want to live in the life that was predestined for me. So I went the other route, MY ROUTE.
The power of my convictions and my decisions actually did brought me to where I wanted to go. And now I am one step closer to the very beggining of my journey. My journey to the land of the free, and the home of the brave.
Maybe all those free and brave people are long gone, but I still want to settle in that melting pot. Place where I can feel the soul of the whole human race. Every person, out of every wake of the life, bundled in one big melting pot.
Upside down reality
Perhaps my decision moment already happened, and it somehow slipped my attention. Perhaps your decision moment already happened to you, and you don’t even know it.
Perhaps all the things that happen to you, are leading you to that moment where you turn your reality upside down, and your dreams actually become reality.
For majority that moment never comes. Look at your parents. Did they reach where they wanted to get? How much of their dreams were truly theirs? Did they achieve their dreams? Are you going to allow yourself to go the same route?
That’s another thing…
How much of our dreams are truly ours, and not some socially implanted visions of how our lives are supposed to look like? There’s this typical cliche story imposed on our minds:
- Get married
- Have kids
- Get mortgage
- Work until you die to your piling debts
- Teach your kids to rinse and repeat
Wow, that puts things in a different perspective doesn’t it? And somehow all of us are pretty much indoctrinated to go this route. We have expectations of each other to go this route. Our parents have this kind of expectations, our friends and pretty much everyone who lived a “normal lifestyle”.
Buy in, to what you want to be, make damn sure that it’s what YOU want. And not what your surroundings want you to be.