I keep pushing through the barriers. It’s more like a psychological game, between an immigrant and American government. Must I say that lately, I’ve been under quite a lot of stress. The worse part about being an immigrant to USA is the fact that you can’t time table anything in your life. Your life plans are at the mercy of the Embassy and the State Department, and since they are being royal pain, there is not much I can say, except that I am operating under the highest levels of stress that I’ve been through in my life.
Not really sure where I am…
Because any day is potentially a departure date, but than again, you have no clear picture what-so-ever, when will that day come. Which is not letting me adjust, and it is putting an immense pressure on me, my lifestyle and my routines. Especially an entire day of playing waiting games with the embassy clerks. Where they imagined up, yet another document that I need to submit. That they’ve never mentioned before.
At this point I am wondering…
Will I ever accomplish my dream: to be in the states in my twenties, where I have the most of my energy to give and most value to create. But instead I am trapped in this limbo. If it wasn’t for the internet, my websites and my writing, I would feel as if I was tapping in one place. This waiting game is so destructive, because you can’t assemble the appropriate game plan. You’re neither here, nor there.
But all you can do is cope with it
My life problems are far from the worse in the world, and beside those things that I can not plan, schedule and affect, my personal power lies in focusing on what I can do. Being in the moment, accepting the circumstances that I have no influence over, and keep living. Long gone are the days, when I was putting life off, while waiting for something to happen. I am making things happen, while I am waiting, and that is fine.
The conclusion of this story
There is no tomorrow. I might never get where I am planning to get. God knows what can happen in two months, but I am trying not to live in the future. I am not trying to live in the states, before I actually get there. I am here, and now. The only place where you truly are. The now.
Living in the imaginary future is foolish, naive and short term thinking. Not being present has it’s price, that price are wasted moments of your life. The moments that you can never get back. It’s your job and duty to fully embrace your life, and embrace it as your journey unfolds.